Y'all [Don't ] Come Back Now, Heah?

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So how would you like for your tombstone to read “Here lies a man who preferred Rush Limbaugh to Colin Powell”? I guess Dick Cheney may think that sounds better than “This fool would shoot you!” I’m not sure many folks would agree, but then, as Dickie C. said about widespread public doubt about the Iraq misadventure, “So?”
Yegads! If turning the micophone over to this malevolent megaturd is the best the Republicans can do, maybe the Dems should split up voluntarily in the interest of preserving our two-party system. I don’t know how it is where you are, but in a recent poll, one-half of the Texas Republicans surveyed (as opposed to only one-third here in left-wing Georgia) indicated they would support secession. To all these soreheads, I say, “Hear! Hear!” Y’all head on out, by all means. That should take some of the pressure off Social Security and Medicare, and, hopefully y’all will find a place more to your liking, somewhere, for example, that even pre-schoolers can pack a Glock if it suits ‘em. Any discussion of kids obviously presumes y’all don’t just outlaw sex altogether, except, of course, for the drop-trou quickies in airport toilets that would be required to keep your politicians happy. Just think, Rush could blare from the speakers all day long, and Michael Savage could offer goose-step instruction in the evenings. You wouldn’t have any trouble with anti-war protestors because with the percentage of draft-dodgers in your crew, you’d never be able to raise an army. One thing’s for sure, any of y’all fantasizing about a second go at Gettysburg should definitely get real. As he did with Vietnam, General Cheney would have to beg off, pleading “other priorities.” Nobody would be very keen on paying taxes, either, of course, but then government is just for poor folks and sissies, and you can always hire private security, right?
Yessir, sounds like it might be a mighty good time to vote with your feet. It’s not as though you didn’t try to warn us about this soft-on-terrorism socialist who not only got himself elected--Didn’t anybody else notice this guy is black? – but depending on whose poll you believe, after nearly four months in office, has an approval rating at or above 60 percent while Brother Cheney’s sits at 18 percent. While we’re talking percentages, Cheney’s approval numbers are only three points shy of the portion of the population currently willing to identify themselves as Republicans. Just to give you a little perspective, there are that many Americans who will actually cop to being liberals, for God’s sake! And now, even the former co-manager of ol’ Johnny Mac’s campaign, that good-looking Huntsman feller from out there in Utah has opted to join the Obama administration as ambassador to China. Has he had it with the Mormons or the right wing of his own party? I’m guessing he’s willing to accept a post that will require him to subsist on a steady diet of eels and carcinogens just so he won’t have to explain why he’s not pursuing the GOP nomination in 2012.
Finally, this just in : As if you needed more evidence that this country has turned its back on your sacred gospel of “what’s-mine-is-mine-and-what’s yours-soon-will-be-too,” a new Rasmussen poll shows one-third of the respondents saying they would actually be willing to pay more taxes so that all Americans could have health insurance. If that ain’t socialism straight out of Russia, then please tell me what is?
Yep, it’s definitely time for you folks to whizz on the fire and holler for the dogs. I’m not sure where you might be headed, but I’m assuming that President Palin will demand a place where she can continue to keep her eye on Russia. At any rate, once you get settled, send us a forwarding address in case somebody asks where all of last fall’s “Real Americans” have gone.

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This page contains a single entry by Jim Cobb published on May 17, 2009 3:51 PM.

"Keep Sendin' in Them Cards and Letters, Friends!" was the previous entry in this blog.

"Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose." (It's French. If you can't figure it out after reading this piece, then, by God, look it up!) is the next entry in this blog.

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